November has practically flown by. I really can't believe that Thanksgiving is the day after tomorrow and that I turn 25 on Sunday!
Last week was an epic week - in a good way! The first thing I did was stand up for myself. I'm one of those people that avoids confrontation at all costs, even if it means I'm getting screwed over. My therapist helped explain how that's tied to my self-worth, which totally makes sense. Anyway, back in August, I bought my '07 VW Rabbit from Honda Carland. When I moved back home at the end of September, my parents noticed that Lolita was leaking oil on the driveway. By mid-October, the leak was getting much worse, so I scheduled an appointment with Honda Carland to have them check it out. When I showed up, some guy in the Service Dept told me that since I have a warranty and my car is a VW, I should just take it to the local VW dealer. Yeah, I was pissed about this.
So, the following week, I took Lolita to Gossett VW. It ended up taking them 2 hours to diagnose and fix the oil leak, which I thought was pretty excessive. But, other than that, the service was top-notch. A couple of sales people kept bringing me bottled water and chatted with me to make the time pass. The mechanic explained the problem to me, i.e. Honda Carland had broken the oil filter housing when they changed the oil in my car, so it was $140 to fix, and couldn't be covered by the warranty. He even wrapped up the broken part and suggested I go back to Honda Carland and ask them to pay for the damages.
I'd been sitting on the part, wanting my money back but not wanting any sort of confrontation. Last week after therapy, I was feeling kinda pumped up, and I decided to call HC. Jeff took my details and promised to call me back immediately Wednesday morning. Naturally, he didn't. So, Thursday at lunchtime, I drove over to the dealership with copies of my invoice and the broken part. I met with Jeff, looked as intimidating as I could (the tattoos and hair really help, sometimes!), and calmly explained that he owed me $140. And he wrote me a check! I totally felt like a rockstar after that.
And the awesomeness just continued after that. I've been spending a lot of time getting to know S, who I met at Jessie's Halloween party. We're actually dating now. It's so funny that when you're really not looking for anything, something too good to pass up comes along. I really enjoy his company. :)
I also celebrated my birthday (early) on Saturday. I baked way too much and S helped me, but I think everyone had an awesome time. I know I did! It felt so good to surround myself with great people. And despite all the sangria, wine, and sugar, I didn't even have a hangover on Sunday! This is pretty much a miracle. I'll definitely post pics of all the goodies I made later, but I'm just feeling too lazy at the moment. I ended up freezing most of the leftovers for holiday parties next month. Talk about being prepared.
Now I must finish up some freelance work, make dinner, and squeeze in a workout. I'm really excited that my urge to binge has subsided again, and that I don't have any crazy cravings. If anything, I'm craving lots of healthy greens. My body is loving all the kale I've eaten in the last week! I'm also not obsessing over exercise. I'm trying to stick to 4-5 times a week, but I'm not beating myself up if I miss a workout due to other engagements. I'm trying to get rid of my all-or-nothing mentality and learn moderation... in everything. It's not easy, but I'm definitely making progress. My stars are aligned right now. Life is good.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Ch-ch-ch-changes!
Wow, I'm totally slacking here. It's not intentional, and I actually want to make an effort to blog more. I find it enjoyable, especially as my time is freeing up a little bit.
A quick update on therapy - it's going really well. My therapist is extremely pleased with how quickly I'm pulling myself out of my depression. She respected my decision to not take medication, but she was still worried about how difficult it would be for me over the next few months. Running 10 miles was definitely a turning point for me a couple of weeks ago. This is not to say I'm miraculously "cured", or that I have no more issues. It just means I'm coping better with the day-to-day stuff, so now we can focus on healing the deeper issues that have plagued me since childhood. Sounds ominous, no?
Anyway, I think one of the reasons I'm doing so well is because of change. I love being in a routine. It's safe, I always know what to expect, and I usually function well that way. However, whenever something new or crazy comes along and I have to adapt, I usually embrace it really well. And this last month has been full of change! I came out of a long-term relationship and moved back home with my parents, which has been a small challenge. I've just dropped down from full-time to part-time at my current design job so I can build up my freelance work, which is awesome and scary at the same time. And I'm signing up for the ING Atlanta half-marathon, which is next March. This is going to be my first race! I figure it will be excellent motivation to keep exercising through the winter, and I want to see if I can use it as an opportunity to raise money for Good Mews cat shelter. I'm also turning 25 in less than a month, and planning on buying a townhouse next year! Eek! I feel so grown-up sometimes, hehe.
I had a blast on Halloween. On Friday, I dressed up as a gypsy fortune teller. I wore my belly-dancing hip scarf, so I jingled wherever I walked. My coworkers were amused at me wearing "normal hair" for Halloween.
For Halloween night, I went to Jessie and John's party. This was my first time seeing John's new house, and I had such an amazing time! I really don't remember the last time I got this drunk or had this much fun. I enjoyed getting my flirt on, hanging out with a bunch of cool people, and staying up til 5am. This really helped remind me that it can be awesome to go out and spend time with people. I'm now trying to reconnect with some old friends and I'm talking to some new people to get my social life started back up. My social anxiety is still pretty paralyzing, but it was it is. My new part-time schedule should free up my weekends and evenings more now, too!
I was slutty Strawberry Shortcake for the evening, and I loved every minute of it! So did the guys. ;)
Check out my awesome vegan spider cupcakes. Chocolate cake, chocolate frosting, with Dots for eyes, Twizzlers for legs, and chocolate sprinkles for their hairy bodies.
And check out these tentacle monsters! I saw them on the Martha Stewart website, and had to recreate my own version. Chocolate cake, vanilla frosting, vegan marzipan tentacles, and Dots for eyes.
So now I'm just trying to get used to my new part-time schedule. It will be so much easier when I have a laptop, and can leave the house for a few hours to work. Right now, when I'm in my office, it's hard to get into work mode. I think I'm going to have to keep packing a lunch for my non-workdays too, because I tend to eat a lot of junk when I'm at home.
In other awesome news, I picked up my first CSA (community supported agriculture) box today! Local Food Stop has several convenient Roswell pick-up locations, and the prices are awesome! I paid $23 for the bounty below, and it's all local and organic. I also like that this CSA will tell you ahead of time what's in the next box, and you can decide whether to purchase it or not. You can also make up to three substitutions. Now I can't wait to eat some of my yummy produce!
My CSA goodies: 1 bunch of arugula, 1 bunch of Bibb lettuce, 1 baby acorn squash, 3 russet potatoes, 2 zucchini, 4 tangerines, and 4 baby starfruit. It's all organic and all local!
I also recently got my hands on Vegan Brunch and Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar. Both are phenomenal! I'm having such a hard time deciding what to make next because everything looks so delicious. Oh, and here's a handy tip from my mum about vegan omelets. Most directions call for you to flip your omelet, which means there's a high-risk of breaking or ruining your omelet. Instead, when you think it's ready to be flipped, just put it under your broiler for a couple of minutes until cooked on top. Now my omelets come out perfectly every time!
A quick update on therapy - it's going really well. My therapist is extremely pleased with how quickly I'm pulling myself out of my depression. She respected my decision to not take medication, but she was still worried about how difficult it would be for me over the next few months. Running 10 miles was definitely a turning point for me a couple of weeks ago. This is not to say I'm miraculously "cured", or that I have no more issues. It just means I'm coping better with the day-to-day stuff, so now we can focus on healing the deeper issues that have plagued me since childhood. Sounds ominous, no?
Anyway, I think one of the reasons I'm doing so well is because of change. I love being in a routine. It's safe, I always know what to expect, and I usually function well that way. However, whenever something new or crazy comes along and I have to adapt, I usually embrace it really well. And this last month has been full of change! I came out of a long-term relationship and moved back home with my parents, which has been a small challenge. I've just dropped down from full-time to part-time at my current design job so I can build up my freelance work, which is awesome and scary at the same time. And I'm signing up for the ING Atlanta half-marathon, which is next March. This is going to be my first race! I figure it will be excellent motivation to keep exercising through the winter, and I want to see if I can use it as an opportunity to raise money for Good Mews cat shelter. I'm also turning 25 in less than a month, and planning on buying a townhouse next year! Eek! I feel so grown-up sometimes, hehe.
I had a blast on Halloween. On Friday, I dressed up as a gypsy fortune teller. I wore my belly-dancing hip scarf, so I jingled wherever I walked. My coworkers were amused at me wearing "normal hair" for Halloween.
For Halloween night, I went to Jessie and John's party. This was my first time seeing John's new house, and I had such an amazing time! I really don't remember the last time I got this drunk or had this much fun. I enjoyed getting my flirt on, hanging out with a bunch of cool people, and staying up til 5am. This really helped remind me that it can be awesome to go out and spend time with people. I'm now trying to reconnect with some old friends and I'm talking to some new people to get my social life started back up. My social anxiety is still pretty paralyzing, but it was it is. My new part-time schedule should free up my weekends and evenings more now, too!
I was slutty Strawberry Shortcake for the evening, and I loved every minute of it! So did the guys. ;)
Check out my awesome vegan spider cupcakes. Chocolate cake, chocolate frosting, with Dots for eyes, Twizzlers for legs, and chocolate sprinkles for their hairy bodies.
And check out these tentacle monsters! I saw them on the Martha Stewart website, and had to recreate my own version. Chocolate cake, vanilla frosting, vegan marzipan tentacles, and Dots for eyes.So now I'm just trying to get used to my new part-time schedule. It will be so much easier when I have a laptop, and can leave the house for a few hours to work. Right now, when I'm in my office, it's hard to get into work mode. I think I'm going to have to keep packing a lunch for my non-workdays too, because I tend to eat a lot of junk when I'm at home.
In other awesome news, I picked up my first CSA (community supported agriculture) box today! Local Food Stop has several convenient Roswell pick-up locations, and the prices are awesome! I paid $23 for the bounty below, and it's all local and organic. I also like that this CSA will tell you ahead of time what's in the next box, and you can decide whether to purchase it or not. You can also make up to three substitutions. Now I can't wait to eat some of my yummy produce!
My CSA goodies: 1 bunch of arugula, 1 bunch of Bibb lettuce, 1 baby acorn squash, 3 russet potatoes, 2 zucchini, 4 tangerines, and 4 baby starfruit. It's all organic and all local!I also recently got my hands on Vegan Brunch and Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar. Both are phenomenal! I'm having such a hard time deciding what to make next because everything looks so delicious. Oh, and here's a handy tip from my mum about vegan omelets. Most directions call for you to flip your omelet, which means there's a high-risk of breaking or ruining your omelet. Instead, when you think it's ready to be flipped, just put it under your broiler for a couple of minutes until cooked on top. Now my omelets come out perfectly every time!
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Christmas Pudding in October
Having more free time on my hands means I'm baking a lot more. Recently I've baked White Chocolate Cranberry Oatmeal cookies, Pumpkin Crumb Cake with Pecan Streusel (from Veganomicon), a White Chocolate Cheesecake, and Christmas Pudding. The white chocolate cheesecake flavor is fantastic, but I need to work on the texture some more. Look for that recipe soon.
And yes, you did read that correctly - Christmas Pudding. From Wikipedia: "Christmas pudding is the dessert traditionally served on Christmas day. It has its origins in England, and is sometimes known as plum pudding, though this can also refer to other kinds of boiled pudding involving a lot of dried fruit." Christmas Pudding is made a few weeks in advance. It's traditional to pour brandy (or some other flammable alcohol) over the pudding just before serving it, so you can light it on fire. We usually skip that part, but before steaming the pudding, we add several coins wrapped in wax paper. We use 5p coins, but you could use dimes. The person that gets the slice with the oldest coin wins a prize ($20 in our house).
This week, my mum and I dug out her copy of The Complete Farmhouse Kitchen Cook Book. She's had it for years, and I love it. The spine is falling apart and the pages are completely yellowed. I hope one day it gets passed down to me. Granted, 99% of the recipes are definitely not vegan, but it's still an heirloom to me. This is the third year we've taken the same recipe and veganized it. My mum even swears that our version is the best Christmas Pudding she's ever tasted. So, if you're feeling even slightly English, be sure to try this out.
Vegan Christmas Pudding (adapted from Dorothy Sleightholme's Christmas Pudding in The Complete Farmhouse Kitchen Cook Book)
Serves 10
6oz all-purpose unbleached white flour
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp all spice
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
4oz fresh breadcrumbs (white or whole wheat)
4oz coconut oil (vegetable shortening works in a pinch)
3oz brown sugar
4oz raisins
4oz chopped dates
4oz dried cranberries
8oz golden raisins
2oz slivered almonds
2oz chopped pecans
1 medium apple, grated
1 medium carrot, grated
1/4 cup orange juice
1 tbsp lemon juice
1 tbsp maple syrup
2 small ripe bananas, mashed
200ml sherry or stout
For cooking the pudding you will need one 1200ml basin or two 600ml basins or four 300ml basins.
1. Sieve the flour, salt and spices into a large bowl.
2. Add bread crumbs, coconut oil, sugar, fruit and nuts and mix together well. (Use your hands!)
3. Add the grated apple, grated carrot, orange and lemon juice, maple syrup, mashed bananas and sherry. Combine everything really well.
4. Leave for several hours or overnight. Stir again. Place in greased basin(s), leaving 1 inch at top. Carefully insert wrapped coins, if using. Cover with 2 layers of wax paper and 1 layer of foil, and secure tightly by wrapping string around the basin. We always get my dad to do this part, and he creates a string handle so my mum can pull the hot, cooked pudding out of the pot.
5. Stand on a trivet or upturned saucer in a pan with boiling water half wayup basin. (Or, use a steamer/pressure cooker). Steam as follows:
1200ml basin - 8 hours
600ml basins - 6 hours
300ml basins - 4 hours
Keep water on the boil, replenishing water when necessary. We use my mum's pressure cooker, and made 2 puddings - 750ml and 450ml. For the 750ml, my mum pressure cooked it for 5 hours and the smaller one for 3.5 hours.
Once cooled, store the puddings (sealed) in a dark, cool place. Reheat by steaming for 30 minutes, and serve with vegan whipped topping.
And yes, you did read that correctly - Christmas Pudding. From Wikipedia: "Christmas pudding is the dessert traditionally served on Christmas day. It has its origins in England, and is sometimes known as plum pudding, though this can also refer to other kinds of boiled pudding involving a lot of dried fruit." Christmas Pudding is made a few weeks in advance. It's traditional to pour brandy (or some other flammable alcohol) over the pudding just before serving it, so you can light it on fire. We usually skip that part, but before steaming the pudding, we add several coins wrapped in wax paper. We use 5p coins, but you could use dimes. The person that gets the slice with the oldest coin wins a prize ($20 in our house).
This week, my mum and I dug out her copy of The Complete Farmhouse Kitchen Cook Book. She's had it for years, and I love it. The spine is falling apart and the pages are completely yellowed. I hope one day it gets passed down to me. Granted, 99% of the recipes are definitely not vegan, but it's still an heirloom to me. This is the third year we've taken the same recipe and veganized it. My mum even swears that our version is the best Christmas Pudding she's ever tasted. So, if you're feeling even slightly English, be sure to try this out.
Vegan Christmas Pudding (adapted from Dorothy Sleightholme's Christmas Pudding in The Complete Farmhouse Kitchen Cook Book)
Serves 10
6oz all-purpose unbleached white flour
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp all spice
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
4oz fresh breadcrumbs (white or whole wheat)
4oz coconut oil (vegetable shortening works in a pinch)
3oz brown sugar
4oz raisins
4oz chopped dates
4oz dried cranberries
8oz golden raisins
2oz slivered almonds
2oz chopped pecans
1 medium apple, grated
1 medium carrot, grated
1/4 cup orange juice
1 tbsp lemon juice
1 tbsp maple syrup
2 small ripe bananas, mashed
200ml sherry or stout
For cooking the pudding you will need one 1200ml basin or two 600ml basins or four 300ml basins.
1. Sieve the flour, salt and spices into a large bowl.
2. Add bread crumbs, coconut oil, sugar, fruit and nuts and mix together well. (Use your hands!)
3. Add the grated apple, grated carrot, orange and lemon juice, maple syrup, mashed bananas and sherry. Combine everything really well.
4. Leave for several hours or overnight. Stir again. Place in greased basin(s), leaving 1 inch at top. Carefully insert wrapped coins, if using. Cover with 2 layers of wax paper and 1 layer of foil, and secure tightly by wrapping string around the basin. We always get my dad to do this part, and he creates a string handle so my mum can pull the hot, cooked pudding out of the pot.
5. Stand on a trivet or upturned saucer in a pan with boiling water half wayup basin. (Or, use a steamer/pressure cooker). Steam as follows:
1200ml basin - 8 hours
600ml basins - 6 hours
300ml basins - 4 hours
Keep water on the boil, replenishing water when necessary. We use my mum's pressure cooker, and made 2 puddings - 750ml and 450ml. For the 750ml, my mum pressure cooked it for 5 hours and the smaller one for 3.5 hours.
Once cooled, store the puddings (sealed) in a dark, cool place. Reheat by steaming for 30 minutes, and serve with vegan whipped topping.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Finding My Feet
It's been a while. I don't feel that I owe any explanations, and while journaling can be therapeutic, I'm not one to spill my guts to the world. However, I would like to say just a few words.
I have some problems, and yes, that makes me human. However, they have become overwhelming and I am finally seeing someone to help me work through these things. In the process, I have lost my relationship and moved back home to be with my support network - my family. None of this has been easy, but I'm at a place in my life where I can focus on myself, and hopefully heal.
I like to think the nature of this blog is upbeat and light-hearted, with an emphasis on my passions and living a healthy lifestyle. I want to maintain this essence, but in the midst of clinical depression, it will be a challenge. So, if I disappear for a while, know that I'm still keeping up with all your blogs and just trying to take care of myself.
I'm not asking for sympathy or pity. Any kind words and support are more than appreciated, though. And if you're local, and want to hang out, please let me know! It helps to get out of the house. ;)
I just wanted to let you guys know what was going on. Now on to the fun stuff!
Unless you live under a rock (or you're not current on your vegan happenings), VeganMoFo III is in full effect! VeganMoFo is the vegan month of food, and hundreds of vegan bloggers are participating. Due to my circumstances, I'm merely reading and drooling from the sidelines. Maybe next year!
I did get to try cheetahs for the first time this week, though, and I'm in love. Seriously! You can eat them as a snack, as an (unbalanced) meal, or as dessert! I'm not sure where they originated, but the blog post I linked to explains the super easy way to make them. If you haven't tried them yet, you must!
I also baked some fantastic cookies last night. My mum and I had a sweet tooth, so I raided my baking supplies and cobbled together a recipe based on the Maple Walnut cookies from Vegan with a Vengeance. I had the maple syrup, but not the maple extract. I also only had pecans, and not walnuts. So, in keeping with the recent turning weather, I created Spiced Maple Pecan cookies. I went a little too heavy on the nutmeg, but other than that, they completely hit the spot. And they paired delightfully with a glass of So Delicious Vanilla Coconut Milk. Oh, how I love that stuff!
And in other exciting news, I have a new baby! Tuxedo has joined my gorgeous rats - Talullah and Short Bus. She's half black and half white, and her tail is colored that way too, hence her name. There will be pictures when I can catch her just hanging out. All my girls like to explore, so photographing them is impossible.
I'm off to spend the rest of my weekend relaxing and enjoying great food. I may even throw in a little freelance work if the mood strikes. Enjoy yourselves!
I have some problems, and yes, that makes me human. However, they have become overwhelming and I am finally seeing someone to help me work through these things. In the process, I have lost my relationship and moved back home to be with my support network - my family. None of this has been easy, but I'm at a place in my life where I can focus on myself, and hopefully heal.
I like to think the nature of this blog is upbeat and light-hearted, with an emphasis on my passions and living a healthy lifestyle. I want to maintain this essence, but in the midst of clinical depression, it will be a challenge. So, if I disappear for a while, know that I'm still keeping up with all your blogs and just trying to take care of myself.
I'm not asking for sympathy or pity. Any kind words and support are more than appreciated, though. And if you're local, and want to hang out, please let me know! It helps to get out of the house. ;)
I just wanted to let you guys know what was going on. Now on to the fun stuff!
Unless you live under a rock (or you're not current on your vegan happenings), VeganMoFo III is in full effect! VeganMoFo is the vegan month of food, and hundreds of vegan bloggers are participating. Due to my circumstances, I'm merely reading and drooling from the sidelines. Maybe next year!
I did get to try cheetahs for the first time this week, though, and I'm in love. Seriously! You can eat them as a snack, as an (unbalanced) meal, or as dessert! I'm not sure where they originated, but the blog post I linked to explains the super easy way to make them. If you haven't tried them yet, you must!
I also baked some fantastic cookies last night. My mum and I had a sweet tooth, so I raided my baking supplies and cobbled together a recipe based on the Maple Walnut cookies from Vegan with a Vengeance. I had the maple syrup, but not the maple extract. I also only had pecans, and not walnuts. So, in keeping with the recent turning weather, I created Spiced Maple Pecan cookies. I went a little too heavy on the nutmeg, but other than that, they completely hit the spot. And they paired delightfully with a glass of So Delicious Vanilla Coconut Milk. Oh, how I love that stuff!
And in other exciting news, I have a new baby! Tuxedo has joined my gorgeous rats - Talullah and Short Bus. She's half black and half white, and her tail is colored that way too, hence her name. There will be pictures when I can catch her just hanging out. All my girls like to explore, so photographing them is impossible.
I'm off to spend the rest of my weekend relaxing and enjoying great food. I may even throw in a little freelance work if the mood strikes. Enjoy yourselves!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Heart 2 Heart
Tonight I blew up at James for seemingly no reason, right before bed. We ended up having a heart to heart, and since my head is still so full, I want to do that with my friends, too.
From time to time, I've alluded to a past of disordered eating. I've been binge-eating since age 10 (that's almost 15 years now), and I had a brief period of bulimia in high school. The height of my disease was about 3 years ago when I gained about 90lbs in the space of a year. I did practically no exercise, and ate myself into oblivion to ignore a very dysfunctional relationship I was in at the time. When that relationship ended, I took a good long look at myself and adopted the vegan lifestyle and a goal to lose 100lbs. The last 2.5 years has been a journey of finding myself, and I wouldn't change any part of it.
However, at this point in time, I'm stretching myself too thin. My binge-eating has been rampant in the last couple of months, and in the last 2 weeks, I've started to throw-up again. This is a HUGE step backwards, and it's not easy to admit. I'm trying to do so much at the moment, that something is always suffering. I'm working full-time, trying to freelance on 4 separate web design projects at once, keep working out and cooking healthy meals, spending time with James, spending time with my chinchillas and rats, balancing a social life, volunteering at the cat shelter, being a Beachbody coach (which means blogging, vlogging, and networking with other coaches), and trying to find time for myself to help me keep some sanity. I can't keep doing all of this. The time I spend with James is spoiled with thoughts of freelance deadlines, and my chinchillas are acting out due to the lack of quality attention from me.
So, I've thought about everything and I'm making some cuts. I'm finishing up my current freelance work, and then limiting myself to no more than 2 projects at once. James and the animals are my loves, and they all deserve my focused attention, so they will all come first. I'm going to continue working out and eating healthy because I love how I feel when I do both, but the videos and the journal entries will be fewer. And to my new workout buddies and fellow coaches, I will keep up with all of your journies, but I can't keep commenting on Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube. I'm also stepping down as a Beachbody coach. In the future, I may give it another shot, but now just isn't the right time. It isn't in my top priorities.
I want to be able to go out for a couple of drinks with friends without worrying that I'm getting behind on a project. I want to play with my animals and interact with them instead of keeping one eye on them while I try to clean the apartment, cook dinner, and take care of my laundry. I want some of this stress off my back because I clearly am not equipped to deal with this much of it at one time. I want to cultivate a healthy relationship with food and continue working on a positive body image.
I don't want any sympathy or pity, but support and encouragement are always appreciated. I know I also tend to project a very positive, happy outlook 99% of the time, but I wanted to show that I'm still human and I still have those downright shitty days. Recovery can be a bitch, but I'm in this for the long run.
xxxxx
From time to time, I've alluded to a past of disordered eating. I've been binge-eating since age 10 (that's almost 15 years now), and I had a brief period of bulimia in high school. The height of my disease was about 3 years ago when I gained about 90lbs in the space of a year. I did practically no exercise, and ate myself into oblivion to ignore a very dysfunctional relationship I was in at the time. When that relationship ended, I took a good long look at myself and adopted the vegan lifestyle and a goal to lose 100lbs. The last 2.5 years has been a journey of finding myself, and I wouldn't change any part of it.
However, at this point in time, I'm stretching myself too thin. My binge-eating has been rampant in the last couple of months, and in the last 2 weeks, I've started to throw-up again. This is a HUGE step backwards, and it's not easy to admit. I'm trying to do so much at the moment, that something is always suffering. I'm working full-time, trying to freelance on 4 separate web design projects at once, keep working out and cooking healthy meals, spending time with James, spending time with my chinchillas and rats, balancing a social life, volunteering at the cat shelter, being a Beachbody coach (which means blogging, vlogging, and networking with other coaches), and trying to find time for myself to help me keep some sanity. I can't keep doing all of this. The time I spend with James is spoiled with thoughts of freelance deadlines, and my chinchillas are acting out due to the lack of quality attention from me.
So, I've thought about everything and I'm making some cuts. I'm finishing up my current freelance work, and then limiting myself to no more than 2 projects at once. James and the animals are my loves, and they all deserve my focused attention, so they will all come first. I'm going to continue working out and eating healthy because I love how I feel when I do both, but the videos and the journal entries will be fewer. And to my new workout buddies and fellow coaches, I will keep up with all of your journies, but I can't keep commenting on Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube. I'm also stepping down as a Beachbody coach. In the future, I may give it another shot, but now just isn't the right time. It isn't in my top priorities.
I want to be able to go out for a couple of drinks with friends without worrying that I'm getting behind on a project. I want to play with my animals and interact with them instead of keeping one eye on them while I try to clean the apartment, cook dinner, and take care of my laundry. I want some of this stress off my back because I clearly am not equipped to deal with this much of it at one time. I want to cultivate a healthy relationship with food and continue working on a positive body image.
I don't want any sympathy or pity, but support and encouragement are always appreciated. I know I also tend to project a very positive, happy outlook 99% of the time, but I wanted to show that I'm still human and I still have those downright shitty days. Recovery can be a bitch, but I'm in this for the long run.
xxxxx
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
My Newest Love
My updates are becoming few and far between. I'm sorry! I often wish I had more time to blog or make videos, but when my honey is in town, spending time with him is much more important.
Last week was pretty epic, in a good way. My brother was in town for the weekend, and since his car's been acting up (i.e. only starting if you slam the door or the hood), he and my dad were going car shopping. I decided to tag along as I have finally saved up my 3-month emergency money, and all money going into my savings account at this point is for a new car. I had no intentions of buying a car, but if there were models I liked, I could take a couple of test-drives and narrow down my choices. I knew without a doubt that I'd be getting a hatchback.
Our first stop was at a Hyundai dealer, and I set my sights on the Hyundai accent. It was cute, small, and incredibly cheap. After thinking about it, I figured that A) it probably wouldn't have much more power than my '02 Kia Rio, and B) it was only a 3-door, and no one likes having to climb over the driver's seat to get into the back of a car. Struck that one off my list. After having no luck for my bro, we headed to a Honda dealership right by my apartment. It was here that I fell in love... with a black '07 VW Rabbit. She was perfect in every way. I had to run along to my cat shelter shift, so I left my bro and dad and put the Rabbit out of my mind as best as I could. Well, until that evening. I visited the dealer's website and saw she was in my price range, and I filled out a form to see if I could get any money for the Kia. An associate called me Monday, and I set up a test-drive for Tuesday evening.
That test-drive was a dream! She felt so solid and handled so smoothly... not to mention the ease of accelaration. I drove a Honda Fit afterwards, but there was no comparison. And the only other potential on my list was a Toyota Matrix, and there were no used ones locally. So, I bought the Rabbit that night, and christened her Lolita. I love her to pieces, and I'm still discovering all of her wonderful features! Did I mention I'm not really a car person? Haha!
So, if the week couldn't get crazy enough, on Wednesday, James viewed a house that I had seen while he was out of town, and saw just as much potential as I had. He made an offer on Thursday! The house is a short sale (pre-foreclosure), so it could take months for us to hear back about the offer. We'll wait until October, and if we haven't heard anything by then, we'll start looking elsewhere. This house is perfect for us though: central location between friends, family, work and major highways, 1.2 acres of land ideal for organic gardening, 3 bedrooms and a massive basement... We're trying not to get our hopes up, but it's so hard!
I'm now working on four freelance projects at once, so I'm totally immersed in design whether I'm at work or home. I'm very happy with the progress I'm making, and I'll have some great pieces to add to my portfolio once I'm done. I'm hoping to have 3 of the 4 projects wrapped up before my vacation, which is only 5 weeks away!
I'm still working out hard, and I just finished Day 21 of Insanity. I really can't believe it's been 3 weeks already. As promised, here are my results from Fit Test 1 (which I took at the beginning of the program) & Fit Test 2 (which I took at the beginning of Week 3):
Switch Kicks: 102 / 120 (+18)
Power Jacks: 44 / 57 (+13)
Power Knees: 84 / 110 (+26)
Power Jumps: 40 / 55 (+15)
Globe Jumps: 10 / 11 (+1)
Suicide Jumps: 12 / 16 (+4)
Push-up Jacks: 22 / 30 (+8)
Low Plank Oblique: 66 / 86 (+20)
As you can see, I improved every number... and those improvements are from just 2 weeks of the program! I really feel a difference in every workout. I'm loving the definition in my arms, shoulders, back, and quads. I think my waist is finally slimming down too!
Life is fabulous right now, and I couldn't ask for anything more. I have a couple of recipes to post, but those can wait. Right now, I'm off to read my latest medical thriller (Michael Palmer's "Flashback") - much deserved R&R!
Last week was pretty epic, in a good way. My brother was in town for the weekend, and since his car's been acting up (i.e. only starting if you slam the door or the hood), he and my dad were going car shopping. I decided to tag along as I have finally saved up my 3-month emergency money, and all money going into my savings account at this point is for a new car. I had no intentions of buying a car, but if there were models I liked, I could take a couple of test-drives and narrow down my choices. I knew without a doubt that I'd be getting a hatchback.
Our first stop was at a Hyundai dealer, and I set my sights on the Hyundai accent. It was cute, small, and incredibly cheap. After thinking about it, I figured that A) it probably wouldn't have much more power than my '02 Kia Rio, and B) it was only a 3-door, and no one likes having to climb over the driver's seat to get into the back of a car. Struck that one off my list. After having no luck for my bro, we headed to a Honda dealership right by my apartment. It was here that I fell in love... with a black '07 VW Rabbit. She was perfect in every way. I had to run along to my cat shelter shift, so I left my bro and dad and put the Rabbit out of my mind as best as I could. Well, until that evening. I visited the dealer's website and saw she was in my price range, and I filled out a form to see if I could get any money for the Kia. An associate called me Monday, and I set up a test-drive for Tuesday evening.
That test-drive was a dream! She felt so solid and handled so smoothly... not to mention the ease of accelaration. I drove a Honda Fit afterwards, but there was no comparison. And the only other potential on my list was a Toyota Matrix, and there were no used ones locally. So, I bought the Rabbit that night, and christened her Lolita. I love her to pieces, and I'm still discovering all of her wonderful features! Did I mention I'm not really a car person? Haha!
So, if the week couldn't get crazy enough, on Wednesday, James viewed a house that I had seen while he was out of town, and saw just as much potential as I had. He made an offer on Thursday! The house is a short sale (pre-foreclosure), so it could take months for us to hear back about the offer. We'll wait until October, and if we haven't heard anything by then, we'll start looking elsewhere. This house is perfect for us though: central location between friends, family, work and major highways, 1.2 acres of land ideal for organic gardening, 3 bedrooms and a massive basement... We're trying not to get our hopes up, but it's so hard!
I'm now working on four freelance projects at once, so I'm totally immersed in design whether I'm at work or home. I'm very happy with the progress I'm making, and I'll have some great pieces to add to my portfolio once I'm done. I'm hoping to have 3 of the 4 projects wrapped up before my vacation, which is only 5 weeks away!
I'm still working out hard, and I just finished Day 21 of Insanity. I really can't believe it's been 3 weeks already. As promised, here are my results from Fit Test 1 (which I took at the beginning of the program) & Fit Test 2 (which I took at the beginning of Week 3):
Switch Kicks: 102 / 120 (+18)
Power Jacks: 44 / 57 (+13)
Power Knees: 84 / 110 (+26)
Power Jumps: 40 / 55 (+15)
Globe Jumps: 10 / 11 (+1)
Suicide Jumps: 12 / 16 (+4)
Push-up Jacks: 22 / 30 (+8)
Low Plank Oblique: 66 / 86 (+20)
As you can see, I improved every number... and those improvements are from just 2 weeks of the program! I really feel a difference in every workout. I'm loving the definition in my arms, shoulders, back, and quads. I think my waist is finally slimming down too!
Life is fabulous right now, and I couldn't ask for anything more. I have a couple of recipes to post, but those can wait. Right now, I'm off to read my latest medical thriller (Michael Palmer's "Flashback") - much deserved R&R!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Amazing Weekend and Insanity Day 3 - 6 Review
I meant to get this review out a little earlier, but as always, life gets in the way! James left yesterday morning for Mississippi for 2 weeks, so we spent all weekend together. Sunday highlights included a trip to the Atlanta Botanical Gardens, which gave James way too many ideas for the kind of backyard we'll landscape when we have a house. I had already convinced James that we should get dinner at Soul Vegetarian afterwards (like he needed convincing), and we were not disappointed. We split the onion rings, and then I had the BBQ Kalebone Twists (Soul Veg's soy-gluten mix) with mac n' cheese and collard greens. So yummy! James had the Country Fried "Steak" with the collards and 2 servings of the mac. I think he loves that stuff more than me! I'm so glad I can't recreate the recipe, or my thighs would be in trouble. We finished off the evening watching crappy movies and enjoying homemade ice cream sandwiches.
Yesterday was supposed to be Day 8 of Insanity, but I was in a mental funk and figured there was no point doing the work out when my heart (and head) weren't in it. I didn't even get motivated until 9pm yesterday to get some freelance work done, clean the kitchen, and clean the chinchilla and rat cages. I'll be bringing it when I get home tonight, though!
Now here's the recap of Insanity Day 3 - 6 (7 was a well-earned rest day!):
Day 3: Cardio Power and Resistance
While Day 2's Cardio Plyometric Circuit had been all about intervals and speed, this workout was about power. This meant that the work out was primarily jumping- and interval-based, but there were less standing-to-floor transitions. You'll revisit power jacks, power squats, globe jumps and others from the Fit Test and learn some new drills like hurdles and log jumps. This workout flew by, and while I was exhausted and soaked from head-to-toe by the time I finished, I wanted more! This is definitely my favorite Insanity workout so far.
Day 4: Cardio Recovery
Shaun T finally gives you a break today... well, sorta! This workout is the shortest so far, if you don't include the fit test, but you really slow the pace down. There's a lot of pose-holding and balance work that's reminiscent of yoga, but it's not easy. The squats and lunges are killer! You'll do 16 super-slow squats (managable), then hold the squat for a minute (burning at this point), and then do 16 pulses (ouch!). Then you go right into the same sequence with lunges. It's no wonder my jeans are getting a little roomy in the butt.
Day 5: Pure Cardio
Shaun T guides you through your usual warm-up and stretch, and then tells you he's feeling nervous about this workout. Yikes! The workout is about 16-minutes of all-out cardio, doing as many reps as you can in a minute for each move with no breaks! I definitely had to stop a few times to catch my breath, especially towards the end. You'll see a lot of the Fit Test here, and despite being about the same length as the other cardio workouts, this one really flies by. I loved this one almost as much as Cardio Power and Resistance!
Day 6: Cardio Plyometric Circuit
This is the same workout as Day 2, and I wish I could say it got easier. This is definitely the hardest workout for me as it feels like I take the most breaks. I'm still hitting that mental wall, and it's frustrating. I've picked one of the girls from the workouts (Rachael) because I wanna look like her (eventually), so my goal is to keep up with her as best I can from now on. My other goal is to not only break through that mental wall, but to completely destroy it! Every time I wanna stop (because my head is telling me to, not because I can't physically do more), I'm gonna think about the bikini I wanna rock on the beach in 6 weeks!
So, this is it. I've got my motivation (the beach), I've got my game plan (goals), and I've got my Bodybugg to help me track my food. I have everything I need, so I'm gonna succeed. There's no other option! Who's with me?!
Yesterday was supposed to be Day 8 of Insanity, but I was in a mental funk and figured there was no point doing the work out when my heart (and head) weren't in it. I didn't even get motivated until 9pm yesterday to get some freelance work done, clean the kitchen, and clean the chinchilla and rat cages. I'll be bringing it when I get home tonight, though!
Now here's the recap of Insanity Day 3 - 6 (7 was a well-earned rest day!):
Day 3: Cardio Power and Resistance
While Day 2's Cardio Plyometric Circuit had been all about intervals and speed, this workout was about power. This meant that the work out was primarily jumping- and interval-based, but there were less standing-to-floor transitions. You'll revisit power jacks, power squats, globe jumps and others from the Fit Test and learn some new drills like hurdles and log jumps. This workout flew by, and while I was exhausted and soaked from head-to-toe by the time I finished, I wanted more! This is definitely my favorite Insanity workout so far.
Day 4: Cardio Recovery
Shaun T finally gives you a break today... well, sorta! This workout is the shortest so far, if you don't include the fit test, but you really slow the pace down. There's a lot of pose-holding and balance work that's reminiscent of yoga, but it's not easy. The squats and lunges are killer! You'll do 16 super-slow squats (managable), then hold the squat for a minute (burning at this point), and then do 16 pulses (ouch!). Then you go right into the same sequence with lunges. It's no wonder my jeans are getting a little roomy in the butt.
Day 5: Pure Cardio
Shaun T guides you through your usual warm-up and stretch, and then tells you he's feeling nervous about this workout. Yikes! The workout is about 16-minutes of all-out cardio, doing as many reps as you can in a minute for each move with no breaks! I definitely had to stop a few times to catch my breath, especially towards the end. You'll see a lot of the Fit Test here, and despite being about the same length as the other cardio workouts, this one really flies by. I loved this one almost as much as Cardio Power and Resistance!
Day 6: Cardio Plyometric Circuit
This is the same workout as Day 2, and I wish I could say it got easier. This is definitely the hardest workout for me as it feels like I take the most breaks. I'm still hitting that mental wall, and it's frustrating. I've picked one of the girls from the workouts (Rachael) because I wanna look like her (eventually), so my goal is to keep up with her as best I can from now on. My other goal is to not only break through that mental wall, but to completely destroy it! Every time I wanna stop (because my head is telling me to, not because I can't physically do more), I'm gonna think about the bikini I wanna rock on the beach in 6 weeks!
So, this is it. I've got my motivation (the beach), I've got my game plan (goals), and I've got my Bodybugg to help me track my food. I have everything I need, so I'm gonna succeed. There's no other option! Who's with me?!
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