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I love being a vegan, and the fact that I haven't looked back in the 4+ years since making that leap is probably a good testament to that. I take it seriously. Yes, I really should get more involved in activism, but I'm shy, and dealing with all those people is just... ugh. I'm happy being behind the scenes, patiently answering questions from friends and coworkers, designing flyers for important causes, and definitely baking up a storm whenever there's a bake sale for the animals. I am deeply sensitive to the plight of the animals, to the point where my loving boyfriend JJ, also vegan, will try to shield me from seeing certain videos of animal abuse because he knows I'll cry. He gets it. I get it. Vegan is love.
But lately, everywhere I turn, it seems like vegan bloggers I follow are announcing that they are turning their backs on this compassionate way of life. They've apparently made peace with the slaughter of animals, so long as it is "ethical and sustainable". Articles keeps popping up like this one, advocating the support of small farms, and vilifying vegans that speak out and get mad at former veg-heads. New terms are being coined like "veganish" to describe omnivores that incorporate a certain percentage of vegan meals into their lifestyle.
Each time I run across these "justified" accounts of eating meat again or another idiot labeling their family as "veganish", I can't help but shake my head and think that they JUST DON'T GET IT! I believe that as humans, we don't have the right to decide the fate of other living creatures. Animals are sensitive beings with complex personalities, and science is proving this fact more and more everyday. What gives me the right to decide that this cow should not live any longer so I can wear some sexy leather boots or shove my face with a greasy burger? Why do my WANTS have more importance than another creature's LIFE? It's so effin' selfish! So all these former vegetarians and vegans, chowing down on their "humane" meat and dairy, smug with the knowledge that they aren't contributing to factory farming, never really got it in the first place. Their reasons were all wrong. And as for those "veganish" people? Wake up! Eat what you want to eat and live your lifestyle the way you want to, but don't start labeling yourself as something you're not. You can't even call yourself a vegetarian, so you're certainly nowhere near to being a vegan.
Veganism isn't just a food choice, it's a lifestyle choice. It's constantly checking the labels on everything from a bag of chips to a bottle of shampoo to a pair of shoes to see if any part of an animal is used. It's a compassionate choice that relies on education and being open to others. And I know this rant seems incredibly judgmental, but I actually don't judge anyone for their food/lifestyle choices. I love my friends and family just as they are. I just get mad when people try to label their selves as something they are not, especially when it's something I believe in so strongly. And I get mad when my choices are attacked because I'm unwavering on what I believe veganism is and refuse to "understand" that humanely-raised meat is ethically ok.
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Ok, I feel a little better now. So what's up with me? Why the absence from the blog? One word - depression. Yes, it returned with vengeance and knocked me sideways. It actually got so bad that when we moved our work office at the beginning of February, that first day I was fending off panic attacks left, right, and center. I was on the verge of tears until I got to my car in the evening, where I broke down. It was my body's way of telling me that I wasn't taking care of myself. Fortunately, JJ is incredibly supportive (and knows all about depression, so again, he gets it), and with all the tools I learned in therapy, I've been pulling myself back out of it.
It hasn't been an easy month and a half, by any means. But, I am in such a better place now. I finally started working out on a regular basis again - five times a week. In fact, I put together a 3-month workout plan. I keep working out if I know what workout I'm doing next. I'm even at the point where I wake up early to get it done and out of the way first thing in the morning, despite the fact that I'll never be a morning person. I think I must have been in denial about how much weight I had gained since the beginning of October when I stopped exercising after my half-marathon, and started stress-eating. Moving into our loft, the holidays, my work office moving, adjusting to the new commute and schedule, JJ getting an internship and having to readjust my schedule because we're now sharing my car... yes, that's an awful lot of stress and awful lot of pounds. Half the stuff in my closet still doesn't fit. But it will. And I'm not exaggerating. I actually divided my closet into what does fit and what doesn't so I'm not trying to put on a skirt or dress that's too tight, and then feel bad about my weight all day. Mind tricks, yay!
Anyway, with the exercise, I've been working on my diet a lot too. I'm back to drinking my green smoothies for breakfast which I load up with flax seed and maca, ingredients rumored to help depression. I'm also taking a vitamin D supplement with my multi-vitamin, another thing that helps depression. I snack on raw veggies, fresh fruit and homemade trail mix (raw nuts and dried fruit). My lunch is always some sort of whole food concoction - this week, wild rice/brown rice with roasted squash, sea salt, lime juice and agave. Dinner is usually more traditional because I'm either cooking for the both of us, or JJ is making dinner. But I'm eating smaller portions, and usually skipping dessert because sugar isn't appealing as often as it used to be. If I start thinking something negative about myself, I'll reverse it into a positive. It's all work, but it's working. My mood is a lot more stable, I have more energy, and I just feel much better about myself and my life. So yay. I just need to stay consistent with everything. When I stop taking care of myself and let the stress get too high, I start slipping back into depression, and I don't want to be there if I don't have to.
I still have more to share, but I'll save that for later. It'll be sooner rather than later, I promise!
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