Opening Doors

Where has the last month gone?! It has been an interesting one, to say the least. It also served as a fabulous reminder that when one door closes (read: when it feels like the shit is about to hit the fan), another one opens.


For instance, when I ended my relationship over a month ago with my ex, I was NOT looking forward to dating again. I'd willingly left something that felt very comfortable and safe to me, and for a while, I thought I had made a huge mistake. But, when you're leaving after 7 months of a really good time, and your partner doesn't even attempt to stop you, there's no reason to stay. As a distraction to missing him like crazy, I decided to update my profile on OKCupid. I had no intentions of dating already, but I thought it would just be fun to see who was out there, strike up a few conversations, and meet a few people so that when I was ready to start dating, I'd be able to keep my social anxiety at bay. Did I mention how much I dislike the act of meeting new people? Well, everything was going according to plan. I struck up some interesting conversations with people I thought would make good friends, and even met a couple of them in person. It wasn't nearly as difficult (or desperate) as I remember from the past. I actually enjoyed myself. And while I still attract a lot of undesirables, it seemed like there was some really quality people interested in me too. My self-confidence was finally shining through.


Bearing all this in mind, when a very hot guy messaged me exactly three weeks ago, I was thrilled. We had so much in common, too. We quickly started texting back and forth, and being totally out of character for me, I asked him if he wanted to meet the next day. He did! We met up in Little 5 Points, and walked around, talking for hours. There was such an obvious connection there that ran far deeper than physical attraction. We got to talk about art and books and movies. We joked and teased and held hands. And to top it all off, he's almost-vegan. Finally, someone with the same cruelty-free outlook on life as me! So anyway, that first meeting was almost magical, and we've been seeing each other ever since. I had no plans for this, but I'm loving every minute. I haven't had this intensity or passion with someone since my first love. And I've already decided that I'm completely opening myself up and feeling absolutely everything, whether it be amazing or awful. That's the only way to experience life. And I know some people are thinking that I'm rebounding or that I'm just incapable of being single. Trust me, I've thought about those things too. But why should I wait around for a socially-acceptable amount of time and pass up the opportunity to spend time with someone that makes me feel amazing and special? Do you know how wonderful it is to have someone look deep into your eyes and tell you that you're beautiful after just meeting you two hours ago? I never heard that once from my ex in 7 months! So convention be damned!


Another door that is getting ready to close involves my career. It's no secret that I've been actively job-hunting for about a year now. Sure, I love my freelance clients, but between them and the part-time design gig I have at the moment, I'm always broke. I hate stressing about money, and I'm unfulfilled at work. I'm here 3 days a week, and there's usually not enough to keep me busy for even one of those days. Because my clients are always thrilled with my work, I believe it's the economy that's preventing me from finding a new design job.

Well, on Friday, my boss pulled me aside and said that he'd noticed that my heart really isn't in my work anymore. I couldn't argue with him - I'd been feeling that way for about a year now. Killing time, a distinct lack of creative direction, and 70% of projects not seeing the light of day make for an unhappy Steph. In light of this revelation, he suggested the possibility of moving me to a purely freelance/contract basis. This scared the hell out of me because I'd been unsuccessful thus far with finding full-time work, and because I'm barely scraping by each month. I racked my brains all weekend, and Monday morning, I decided to e-mail my old boss at the ad agency I left to work at my current job. He was thrilled to hear from me, and yesterday, I swung by the agency to catch up. It was really fun seeing old coworkers again, learning that they still have a lot of the same clients I used to work on projects for, and seeing how much had changed in the last 2 years. It turns out that one of their designers is pursuing a photography project in August, and will only be available on a freelance basis, so my timing couldn't be any better. We talked about starting me out on a freelance basis, and working it into a full-time gig. I should know more in the next week or so. In a way, it feels like I'm going home, and I'm so excited about it!

So yes, the last month has been epic, and I really hope it stays that way.